FOOTBALLER who left the PITCH to answer the CALL OF NATURE

JASON PUNCHEON is getting a bum deal at Southampton after becoming the butt of his team-mates’ jokes.
The Saints midfielder had to dash off the pitch at St Mary’s during the second half of their 0-0 draw with Everton on Monday to answer the call of nature.

The 26-year-old then sheepishly returned in the 70th minute — and got a ribbing from his own fans. Now his team-mates have started teasing him.

Fellow midfielder Morgan Schneiderlin said: “All the players have given him some stick about it — but he said it was better he did it in the changing room than out on the pitch!

“It is the first time I have ever seen that and I am sure not many other players have seen that before.

“But he has taken it well. He loves giving the banter and he has a great personality.”

New Saints boss Mauricio Pochettino joked: “When there is a new manager, the players want to impress and sometimes nerves get the better of them!”

2012 in Retrospect

2012 started on a very bright note for me, as per love basis *winks*. Things fell into place.

Nigerians were shocked by President Goodluck Jonathan hiking the fuel price from =N=65 to =N=141 on the 1st of January. This really brought a protest and general shutdown in Nigeria for almost 2 weeks.

On the 11th of February, Whitney Houston (48) was found dead in the bath tub of her Beverly Hills hotel room.

The Nigerian Underwear attempted bomber 'Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab' was given a life sentence for his failed attempt to blow up a US bound plane from Amsterdam on 2009 xmas day.

In March, South Africa Football club Mamelodi Sundowns whooped another clubside Powerlines Fc (24-0). The highest scoreline i've ever seen or heard in my life, with a player grabbing 7 goals.

Big shout out to the Lana Del Rey. She made my year with her songs "Summertime Sadness, Radio & Blue Jeans".

I wont deny it, i was emotionally disturbed from March. Things didnt go the way i wanted it to go. But i still have high hopes. Believe me.

In April, i got admission into OAU for my Postgraduate in Management Studies, where i spent the rest of the year at.

In May, Manchester United lost the Barclays Premier League trophy to Manchester City on the final day of the season despite finishing with the same points. It was really heartbreaking as Man Utd lost it with only less than 2 minutes to go.

Chelsea won the Champions League for the first time defeating Bayern Munich in penalties, where Ivory Coast's Didier Drogba took the winning shot.

The President, Goodluck Jonathan on May 29 (democracy day) came with another shocker, renaming University of Lagos UNILAG to Moshood Abiola University. This brought about protest from the students.

In June, a Dana Airline Aircraft from Abuja to Lagos crashed into a residential neighbourhood in Iju, Lagos killing all on board. I remember vividly how horrid the pictures of the burnt victims i saw were. It shocked me as i had entered the same airline less than 2 years ago.

Things started becoming clearer to me as to my personal life. I got sick and tensed virtually everytime. I really needed clarity. I was dying inside silently.

Can't believe I had to wait till July 2012 to really connect to the music of James Blunt. Wish i had done that earlier.

London Olympics came calling. U.S swimmer Micheal Phelps became the most decorated olympian with 22 medals, 18 of them gold. South African double-amputee (aka Blade Runner) runner Oscar Pistorius became him the first Paralympian to compete in the able bodied Olympics. U.S gymnast Gabby Douglas became the first coloured to win a gold medal.

Why did i have to clock 23 years of age before my beards start to appear.

Precisely the 6th of August, NASA's rover "Curiousity" landed in planet Mars.

In August, I made the most stupid mistake and ended up regretting it, I think?

Had to wait till October before clarity came in, this was all I was clamouring for all along. October 30 precisely, I made and saw my love cry. I won’t deny it, it broke me, i hated myself for that. And I had to have my fingers crossed. I needed a 2nd chance.

November 7, U.S. first black president, Barack Obama was re-elected for a 2nd-term.

In December, Barcelona forward, Lionel Messi surpassed Gerard Muller's 86 goals in a calendar year. He went on to score a few additional goals before the year ended.

Dec, 21, 2012 was supposed to be the day the world ended, due to the end of the 'mayan calendar' but it never happened. Couldnt believe some actually believed that crap.

On the supposed doomsday, i heard an insightful story, that totally vindicated me. God knows i hate to be at fault in any situation. It just aches why some people believe owning up to a fault is demeaning, whereas the truth always prevails.

No doubt, 2012 was the most disturbing year for me. I drowned in my own tears. I lost myself in the process.

However, One thing ive learnt this year however is that "you can never force anyone to keep on loving you".

I totally look forward to 2013 with great expectations for me, with many fields to explore.

Big thanks to Temilade Oladipo, you really made my year.

Lionel Messi First Barcelona Contract was on a NAPKIN

At the age of 11, Carles Rexach, the sporting director of FC Barcelona, with no other paper at hand, offered Messi a contract written on a PAPER NAPKIN.

Woman Wakes Up at Own Funeral, Dies of Shock

(Newser) – There’s irony, and then there’s the story of Fagilyu Mukhametzyanov, a 49-year-old Russian woman who woke up at her own funeral only to have a heart attack and die when she realized what was going on. Mukhametzyanov had been falsely declared dead after collapsing with chest pains, the Daily Mail reports. When she awoke, she was lying in a coffin, with mourners filing past and saying prayers. She screamed, and passed out again.

“Her eyes fluttered, and we immediately rushed her back to the hospital,” her husband says. “But she only lived for another 12 minutes in intensive care before she died again, this time for good.” The hospital says it’s investigating the incident. “I am very angry, and I want answers,” the husband says. “She wasn’t dead when they said she was and they could have saved her.”

Trey Songz Arrested For Injuring Woman With Money

Trey Songz made it rain, and he paid for it.

Trey Songz was recently arrested for indulging in some rappers' favorite activity: making it rain.

TMZ reports that the singer was having an album release party on August 21 at a strip club in Queens, NY. At around 4:00-4:15 AM, Trey became involved in an altercation outside of the club.

According to the criminal complaint, "Tremaine Neverson, did throw a sum of United States currency at the complainant and said sum of United States currency struck the complainant's left eye causing substantial pain to her left eye."

A month later, Songz was arrested for misdemeanor assault, and an order of protection was issued. He is due back in court in February.

Woman Tries To Kill Her Boyfriend With Her Breasts

A busty woman is accused of trying to kill her boyfriend by suffocating him with her double-D breasts.

Franziska Hansen, 33, is reportedly charged with “attempted murder with a weapon” after her lawyer boyfriend claimed she tried to smother him while pretending it was a sex game.

Nine-stone Franziska, from Germany, denies the allegations, saying it was a sex game and he knew what it was about, according to the Daily Mail.

But boyfriend Tim Schmidt claims she admitted trying to kill him on the phone, saying she smothered him because she “wanted to make your death as pleasurable as possible”.

He told a court in Germany that the couple had been having sex in May this year when Ms Hansen suddenly grabbed his head and pushed it between her breasts with all her force.

He is quoted as saying: “I couldn't breathe any more, I must have turned blue. I couldn't tear myself free and I thought I was going to die.”

Mr Schmidt, who weighs 13 stone, claims he managed to wriggle free and fled naked to a neighbour, who raised the alarm.

He told the court that the couple’s four-year relationship had been strained after they moved to the town of Unna, where his career as a lawyer took off and she struggled to hold a job.

Mr Schmidt said his girlfriend tried to kill him after she discovered he was planning to leave her.

He reportedly told the court: “It is clear she wanted to kill me. She even admitted it to me on the telephone.

“I asked her why she wanted to smother me to death with her breasts and she told me: ‘Treasure – I wanted your death to be as pleasurable as possible.’”

Two people Hitched For 20 Years And Didn't Even Know It

Who says Hollywood marriages can't stand the test of time?
For comedian Janeane Garofalo, staying married for 20 years was a cinch -- perhaps because she had absolutely no idea she was still hitched to her '90s boyfriend.
The 48-year-old says she married "The Big Bang Theory" producer Rob Cohen "as a joke" in 1991, but didn't think the nuptials had actually stuck.
She tells the New York Post: "We got married drunk in Vegas ... We dated for a year, and we got married at a drive-through chapel in a cab. [We thought] you have to go down to the courthouse and sign papers and stuff, so who knew?"
At this weekend's reunion of "The Ben Stiller Show," she added, "We were married, and apparently now that [Rob] is getting married for real, his lawyer dug up something.”
Cohen is now engaged to Jill Leiderman, a producer on "Jimmy Kimmel Live."

Kenyan mother names twins Barack Obama and Mitt Romney

A young Kenyan mother has named her newborn twin sons
after the U.S. president-elect and his defeated Republican
challenger.

Millicent Owuor, 20, gave birth to Barack Obama and Mitt
Romney on Wednesday at the Siaya District Hospital in
southwest Kenya, according to the Standard.

Owuor told the Kenyan news outlet her sons' names will
always remind her of the election in the United States.

The hospital is near the village of Kogelo, where where
President Barack Obama's father was born and where his 90-
year-old stepgrandmother, Sarah Obama, resides.

Jubilant residents in Kogelo cheered Obama's victory as
results from the United States were reported.
Shouts of "Hail our Kogelo son" and "Obama is coming, open
the road for him" rang through the air as locals blew
vuvuzela horns in celebration, the Standard reports.
"If Obama did not win, I believe most projects here would
stall," Joseph Onyango told the Kenyan media outlet.
Kenyans hope Obama's re-election will harken a fresh start
for a U.S. relationship with Kenya, Reuters reports.
Obama visited sub-Saharan Africa just once during his first
four years as president—a stop of less than a day in Ghana,
according to Reuters.

If Obama does visit Kenya, maybe baby Barack can meet his
namesake and baby Mitt meet the U.S. president.

There's no word yet if there have been twins named Joe
Biden and Paul Ryan.

The man who took 54 years, 8 months, 6 days, 5 hours, 32 minutes and 20.379 seconds to complete a marathon race

Kanakuri Shizō was a Japanese marathon runner and one of the early leaders of track and field athletics in Japan. He has been celebrated as "father of marathon" in Japan.

However, Kanakuri is best known for disappearing during the marathon race in the 1912 Summer Olympics. The race was held at Sollentuna Municipality in unexpected 40 deg C heat, and over half of the runners in the event suffered from hyperthermia. Kanakuri, weakened by the long journey from Japan, and suffering from problems with the local food, lost consciousness midway through the race, and was cared for by a farming family. He returned to Japan without notifying race officials. Swedish authorities considered him missing for 50 years before discovering that he was living in Japan and had competed in intervening Olympic marathons.

In 1966, he was contacted by Swedish Television and offered the opportunity to complete his run. He accepted and completed the marathon in

54 years, 8 months, 6 days, 5 hours, 32 minutes and 20.379 seconds, remarking, "It was a long trip. Along the way, I got married, had six children and 10 grandchildren."

Missing woman unknowingly joins search herself

A woman who was reported missing from an Icelandic tour unwittingly joined a search for herself.

According to the Reykjavik Grapevine, a woman described as "Asian, about 160cm, in dark clothing and speaks English well" was listed as missing Saturday near the Eldgjá volcanic canyon in southern Iceland.

A search continued through the weekend with reports saying she got off a tour bus and never returned.

It turns out the woman merely changed clothes during the bus stop, and after she returned, those on the bus didn't recognize her.

When the description of the "missing" woman was circulated, apparently the lady who changed her outfit didn't recognize the description of herself. So she joined the search party.

About 50 people searched the area in vehicles and on foot, and a helicopter was ready to assist.
Eventually it occurred to the "missing" woman that she could very well be the person everyone was looking for, and she promptly reported herself as safe and sound to police.
The search was called off early Sunday morning.